Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
