But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
false alarm, still single
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
