I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
