If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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