Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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