It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
