Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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