his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
