his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
