I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
