No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
