Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
