Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
