Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
