He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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