dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
