Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He passed out mid-signature
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
