you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
