If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
