I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you would pick up someone in the library
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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