Don't make out with my wife yet
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
