I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
