Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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