I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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