Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
