How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
