pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
