Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
