While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
