I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
