why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
