its not stalking. its research.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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