if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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