Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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