Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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