A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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