I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
