you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
