First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
