I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
