I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
