I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize