I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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