Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
