Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
