whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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