Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My pussy is not your playground.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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