I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
