my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
