I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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