he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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