that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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