I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pants are for mortals
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
