I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
