i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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