All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
