it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
