can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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