She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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