dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
