I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
