i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
