look no pants
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize