Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
