After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
