I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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