totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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