4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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