I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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