One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
