I must be too annoying 4 u.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize