btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
