By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
