just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and she was petting her beer can
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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