So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
