tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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