saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if only i could text you this smell
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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