I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
