just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
