dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
