I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did not marry a roomba.
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