i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
