We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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