Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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