i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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