'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
