Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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