Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
