I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
