either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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