i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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