yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
