If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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